From Criticism to Compassion: Kinwell’s Guide to Emotional Well-being
Written by Kinwell Health, “Self-compassion class.” Get more information about Kinwell at kinwellhealth.com.
The golden rule may be to treat others as we wish to be treated, but that standard can be hard to live up to when we’re our own worst critic. When we make mistakes or fail to meet often high standards, we can obsess over our shortcomings. Kinwell offers a new behavioral health class designed to encourage empathy and understanding when it comes to our failures. Self-compassion is the skill of replacing criticism and blame with grace and compassion. These group appointments are led by Alix Jansma, LMHC, and take place online through your secure MyChart account.
Everyone’s a (self) critic
“It’s very easy to get down on ourselves,” noted Jansma. “We live in a world of high expectations, sometimes impossibly high, and frequent rejection: We might not get a job we wanted, we might lose relationships that are important to us, we make mistakes. At times of disappointment, it can be easy to harshly blame ourselves, when we should really cut ourselves some slack.”
Self-compassion, in part, involves exercising perspective and seeing short-term setbacks within the context of larger achievements. For example, we may not have landed a particular job, but we have achieved a valuable set of skills through hard work and education across our lifetime.
Additionally, self-compassion is helped by the mere recognition that we are not alone in our struggle—whatever that may be. When people feel they are the only ones struggling, they are harder on themselves and their distress increases. Self-compassion, as Jansma teaches, requires reconciling the fact that we are far from the only person who has ever made a mistake, experienced loss, or is hurting. In turn, we feel less alone, less ashamed, and less self-critical.
Letting it go
Kinwell’s behavioral health services are designed to educate patients on the latest science and offer proven techniques to manage difficult emotions. It starts with the simple awareness—or mindfulness—that we are emotional individuals and that sometimes those emotions can get in the way of rational thought.
“Mindfulness is a huge part of emotional well-being,” explained Jansma. “To have agency over our emotions starts with the ability to step outside our emotions and be aware of them with some objectivity. And if we can work some grace into that objectivity, it can help us weather times of great stress or disappointment.”
Giving yourself some grace
Jansma also notes that self-compassion can get a lot of pushback. “People seem very attached to their inner critic,” she said. “They believe that without that harsh voice telling them to do better they will become too complacent or simply fail.”
A report from Stanford Medicine dispelled the notion that pushing yourself is a requirement of success. Research shows that self-criticism may prevent us from reaching our goals and “that self-criticism makes us weaker in the face of failure, more emotional, and less likely to assimilate lessons from our failures.”
A more beneficial approach to disappointment and failure is to give yourself the same forgiveness that you’d grant a good friend. Offering ourselves forgiveness and understanding, placing mistakes in context, and understanding that short-term failure is part of long-term achievement are tools of emotional resilience that will benefit us in the long run.
Kinwell offers a variety of helpful classes to develop behavioral health and emotional resilience. To learn more and register, talk to your Kinwell clinician or call 833-411-5469.